Parky Weather

Beginning to think the only way to get slush this side of Christmas is to scrape the frost from the inside of the windows of the office. (OK, I exaggerate 50 million times a day, but it is getting pretty chilly.)

Got home last night to find a tub (a one kilo tub) of Canderel on the back doorstep, half full (and yes, I'm a 'half full' person) of water. "Cooling" for use in the slush machine. According to the downloaded pdf of instructions, the Brax level has to be between 13 and 16. Apparently Brax is a measure of sugar in water. All sounds a bit too scientific, when all I want to do is bung in some juice and tequila and get Margarita slush. Who wants to measure the Brax level in the middle of a party? (More of the party later perhaps.)

Before I'd got home, the machine had had its side panel removed and had been given a wee prod in the fan region with a very Health & Safety conscious plastic handled screwdriver. Fan started.

Much "oo"-ing and "ah-hAAh"-ing all round.

Twenty minutes later, and I'm secure in the knowledge that I need not call the Zilch girls out on a mission. The party dregs have been frostily mulched into slush! Yeehaaw!

Gunk #1: Mix is so thick that it takes 5 minutes to fill a glass
Gunk #2: Mix is so sweet that it's quite repulsive
Gunk #3: Mix is so dilute* that it tastes like cheap orange 'squash' made with too much tap water that's gone a bit stagnant

Lemonade from lemons: Because I've just moved house, I have no idea where my shoes or kitchen utensils are, but I know EXACTLY where "useless junk" is. Trotted to the loft, retrieved decades-old lolly making molds, and made (weak) margarita lollies. Hurrah! Froze the rest in ice cube bags as wee desserty things to go with ice cream.

Job's a good'un.
________________________________
*Flashback: Saturday 11.30pm "...more water will raise the freezing temperature - there's too much alcohol in it just now..."

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Number of car park enquiries so far today: 2

Getting so hacked off with this that I'm going to make a sheet for would-be enquirers to sign to say they've been in, and post it on a weekly basis to the airport.

Today a dapper elderly gent with a checked flat cap and a white trimmed tash came in.
"I see your sign says no car...par...erm...ahem...I called the airport and was told I could book over the counter, but when I got there, they knew nothing about it and said I had to come to the car park, but there's no-one here."
Me: "That's right, they don't staff this place. We're not the airport car park - we're a totally different company. We're not connected to the airport or car park in any way whatsoever."
Dapper gent: "Ah. I see. Well, my son could book on line, but I don't really like doing that, I like to book over the counter. I called the airport and was told I could book over the counter, but when I got there, they knew nothing about it and said I had to come to the car park, but there's no-one here. I think I'll get my son to book on line."
Me: "There's another (competing) car park just a couple of miles away, and they have a courtesy shuttle bus too. They have staff, and you can talk to a real person face to face. We're not the car park though."
Dapper gent: "Yes, I think I'll get my son to book online for here."
Me: "Hm. Sometimes people have problems with the barrier system, and the place isn't staffed. Why not try round the corner - it's not a plush place, but you car's safe and it's staffed, and just as easy to get to the airport from."
Dapper gent: "Oh - but how would I get to that place from here?"
Me: (losing all hope of getting back to my desk anytime soon) "Well, you wouldn't park here at all, you'd park in the other place, and they'd take you to the airport - it's a different car park."
Dapper gent: (having made his mind up) "Yes, I think I'll do that. I'll get my son to use his computer - I don't have one you see - he does all that sort of thing..ahem...yes...I'll book for this one here...well...goodbye"

Green Margarita Blues

I have clocked up several hours testing and experimenting with the slush machine. It freezes ginger beer and tonic water perfectly, but I can't get the mix right so it'll freeze margarita :( v.sad about this.

The party went swingingly (the four HorseMen of the poke a' lips were there, as was the 'Grudge' - More of the party later perhaps) but the margeritas were 'cool' rather than lovely slush. Of course, the guests gratiously drank it and didn't grumble (just enquired regularly "is it working?"), but I think that filling the machine to the max and adding a litre and a half of tequila before I'd tried the recipie was a mistake.

The kitchen is now full of plastic bottles of decanted margarita-ish mix so I can test recipies in the machine.

Discovered that the markings on the machine are for TWO litres, not one. This would explain the need for cartons and cartons of fruit juice on Saturday to fill the thing.

Apparently I need lots of sugar syrup to make sure the slush will form properly. The tequila probably doesn't help the process, but I'm determined to make it happen.
The mix has to be a specific gravity so I need a widget to measure that.

(Note: beware of shopkeepers telling you they have 'a wide variety' of technical widgets in stock. I fell for that one, made a 40 minute trip, got to the shop to be met with blank looks and "ooooooh! I thought you meant a thermometer!" Grrrrr)

The margarita excitement has worn off a bit. And the machine squeeks. Particularly annoying when I'm sitting hawk-eyed to spot any flakes of slush.

Ho hum. I have a week before bonfire night to test it or buy in some bottled margarita mix. All the syrups for machies seem to be fruit flavours, but no lime. (Had to have orange margaritas on Saturday, and not lovely lime green ones, as lime juice doesn't come in 1.5 litre bottles the same way orange does.)

Discovered 'Zilch' website last night ...

"Put the fun back in to your diet!
0 carbs, 0 calories, tastes great!"

The "tastes great" bit worries me slightly. That's the culinary equivalent of "L@@K!" and "authentic."


It seems to be full of nothing except VitC! Fantastic - get healthy while having Margaritas!

However, I'm desperate so I'll try anything. Need to check if it can be used in machines, and not just mixed in with ice shavings. Hopefully I'll be able to order some from the US.

Oh-oh. On further reading "Zilch's taste is as authentic as the real thing"

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Number of car park enquiries so far today: 2

You Pumpkin Head!

There are so many sugar coated 'spooky' treats around at Halloween time. Yesterday Graham and I demolished a pack of SKULLS.

(Ingredients: Sugar, vegetable fat, whey powder, wheat powder, skimmed milk powder, emulsifier-lecithin [good old lecithin], flavourings, colours, artificial flavourings)

An interesting thing about the Family Favourite 'skulls' is that they use the same font as our business (and this blog) - Trebuchet. There you go.

Then there are the Pumpkin Heads.


I must admit, the packaging is the best part - these sweets MUST be repackaged as 'tiger paws', 'power balls', 'witches humbugs' depending on the impending occasion, as they're orange and black striped rather than actually having spooky pumpkin faces through them.

There must be a rock maker somewhere who makes pumpkin rock with faces that run through it. If not, I want a stewards' enquiry in to why not.

Slush machine arrived yesterday :-)
Still in its packaging (!!!) as my car broke down yesterday and I had to fork out over £100 to get it sorted, then get back to the office to pick up the machine, then get to the house to drop it off, then get to the in-laws' for dinner, then get back to the house to go to sleep to get to work in time.
Planning to try it out tonight - yay!

I think I'm going to start to use 'Pumpkin Head' as a derogatory term for would-be car-parkers who ignore the 'No car park enquiries please' sign.

Ugh. I need to make this blog better. Right now it is NOT 'sublyme.' Maybe I'll get inspiration when I've tried the margarita machine a few times.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss! Result!

Yaaaayyyy!

I'm almost the proud owner of a fantastically marvellously wonderful and smashing SLUSH MAKING MACHINE!!!

Yyyyeeeeeesssssss!

Oh this is so great I'm so bloomin' e-x-c-i-t-e-d!

Get the tequila at the ready - Margaritaville here I come!!!

Hahahahehehehehe!!

Oh canny wait!
This is the best. I am SO chuffed. :D Big huge grin.
I am happy hippidy hoppity pleased!

AND my chillies are still flowering AND they're still growing fruit.

Phew.

(This is great!)
I can't wait. I c-a-n-n-o-t wait.
No more skiddling about with making one or two drinks at a time for me. No Sir-ee. Not me. Gallons of the stuff on tap. Yippeeeeeeee!

Oh. Now. It's only a single bowl machine. Oh-er. That means I have to decide whether to make Margaritas or Zombies. Oh no. I love margaritas. It's a Halloween Party, so Zombies are really going to be de rigeur (de rigeur mortis, that is - "R D R R"). What a worry.

Man alive! - post purchase dissonance so soon.

No no no. It just means that I'll make BOTH but at different times. Yes. That's it. Scoff one first, then make a nice big batch of the other. Yes.

Oh, which to make first???
I just love this - it's bloomin' great!!!
:-)

List 1: Halloween party

Correction, that's Halloween Masked Ball. Inaugural Annual Halloween Masked Ball.

*ahem* List:

• Food (salsa & breadsticks. Spooky name "dismembered fingers")
• Decorations (ghost banners, pumpkin lanterns a-plenty, cobwebs, scythe, ghoulish hands, UV lights, blood, guts n gore)
• Costume (either Medusa [toy snakes required] or demon [horns stuck with liquid latex and creepy lenses], glow in the dark face paint)
• Music & atmosphere (Monster Mash, Highway to Hell, spooky noises, Better the Devil you Know, It's Fun to Be Scared [Jem & The Holograms], Some Kind of Monster, Scooby Snacks, Ressurection Joe, Live & Let Die, I Ain't Got Nobody, Der Fliedermouse, Devil's Haircut, Bat Out of Hell [of course!], Dead Man's Chill [that Danielle Dax woman] and of course, good old Ghostbusters!)
• Games (putting hands into mystery creepy boxes, treacle scones on a line, dookin' for apples, pin the tail on the demon)
• Slush machine *sigh*
• Booze (tequila :-), wine, gin, vodka, rum...)
• People (yes, lots of those)

Slush glorious slush

I really want a slush machine. I really really want a slush machine.

The first time I had a frozen marguerita was years and years ago in a rock club my boyfriend and I went to and it was great! (The drink and the music.)

Frozen margueritas are just simply the best cocktails on the known planet. (Or are they margeritas, I never know) Yes, I concede, Zombies are great too, and Pina Coladas, but nothing beats a slushy green marguerita with a salt rim. Yum-bloomin'-umptious!

I know I can make a kind of great frozen drink with my lovely Kenwood New York Smoothie Maker.
I know I can just crush some ice with my patented hand operated ice crusher.
It's just that it's not the same as being able to pull the handle on a big machine and seeing lots of frozen tequila and lime flowing into your glass.

This month I have the perfect reason (some say excuse - hmph!) to buy one - a party in the new house. (yay!)

I have justified the cost all sorts of ways to myself. "Well, that's only an extra so-and-so-amount of cost to every guest's drink" and "If I sell some slush drinks at local fetes and things, I'm really doing it all for charity" and "We'll use it for several years, and it'll be fab for barbecues". My newest one is "Our pals will love it so much they'll want to come over and fill it up for us, then WE'LL get free drinks! :D <(winning smile)" Still, I have to find one that's less than a month's wages and doesn't need to be picked up in person from somewhere that's a full day's drive away. And find it before the party (less than a fortnight away). I've scoured the internet, freebie sites, have even asked all the suppliers I can think of if they have cheap ex-rentals for sale. So far no joy. My 'maximum I would possibly spend' budget is creeping up daily and I'm finding all sorts of reasons for that to be absolutely OK. "I've saved X amount by not getting new leather boots", "I haven't needed any dents taken out of the car this year", "I probably won't go a winter holiday", "It'll be a present from me to me", "I'll sell lots of my clutter on eBay and have mega-profits". Why do none of these things seem to bring my slush machine any closer to reality? I'm going to escalate the slush-machine-getting-project as of this afternoon. The next level is to wish really hard for it.

Read My Lips

Unfortunately my office is right beside a car park. An airport car park. A no-frills airline Airport carpark.

This is quite handy if I'm jumping on a nice cheap flight to Europe for the weekend, but during the working day it's a right royal pain in the unmentionables.

The 'service' provided to passengers is completely bereft of any information on how to get into the car park, how to operate the barrier machines, when the next shuttle bus is due, where to shelter when it's teaming with rain, any facilities (i.e. toilets) and generally leaves passengers feeling short changed and irritable.

My work colleagues and I are left to deal with the carnage. "Your barrier doesn't let me in", "Where's your loo?", "Is this the car park", "What do I do with my ticket?", "I've not pre-booked but I have this form...ramble, ramble...blah blah blah....", "I've booked my car in with you"
(have you? Great, it's a Merc you say? give us your keys then, see ya!)

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NoooooooooooooooOOH!!!
We're not the bloomin' car park! We don't know anything about it! It's not our fault! It's a rubbish service! We KNOW!!!

For a while we considered capitalising on this by selling coffee, sweets, ice creams and drinks and the sorts of things peole picked up at the last minute - batteries, magazines, tissues etc.

We politely helped people for a good 6 months then got a bit fed up with it, and placed a friendly notice on our door letting people know to go to the ACTUAL car park office with their queries.
People still came in and used up our time and patience. The car park office does not have a waiting room or a loo.

It now no longer has staff.
The gate is locked.
The signs are unclear.
The machines malfunction regularly.
Passengers are super confused and super irritated.

To save our business from grinding to a halt with our staff having to constantly go to the reception area to deal with passengers with enquiries, I printed a new, more direct sign a fortnight ago "No car park enquiries please".
This worked for about three days. People came to the door, read the sign and went away. It works 7 or 8 times out of 10.

They've started coming in again. "I know the sign says no car park enquiries, but......"
AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
Where's a cattle prod when you need one?
Read my lips! N-O-spells-no!!

This afternoon, a lovely lady appeared in the office, obviously having emerged from said place of non-service, her car having broken down. We listened. We sympathised. We told her that we were nothing whatsoever to do with the car park. We looked up the internet for her and gave her a number to call. "Oh, you're not the car park people?"

Wait wait wait - this is the best bit. Then she said (in all seriousness),

"You have a sign on your door that says to come in if you like."

Trampling

This is my very first post! (Yay!)
I have been meaning to start a blog for - oooohh - years and this afternoon I have finally got round to it.
I have lots and lots I want to share. Things that I find funny, annoying or downright ridiculous.
I'm going to put the best / wierdest / most irritating ones on here.

I might even put some reminders to myself on here - shopping lists, to do lists, films to watch lists. I like lists.

Trampling's a hilarious word.