CSI: Crummy Stiff Imitations

Are my eyes too well trained, or are the CSI corpses becoming less believable as the new series progresses?

Last week on CSI:NY a stab victim was hauled out of a natural world display with 'bugs' crawling all over her, supposedly eating her flesh.
I've seen more convincing putrifying flesh at my Halloween Party (more of the party later, perhaps).

Don't get me wrong, I *love* CSI. It's what I have a TV for. Everyone knows not to call me between 9 and 11 on a Tuesday. I can't wait for Calleigh to say "Horatio, the striations, they match!" or for Alexx to have one of her very informative chats with someone whom really ought to know better. "The flesh decomposes at a rate consistent with its environment." Although maybe my dedication isn't what it could be. A friend of mine used to go to the extent of UNPLUGGING HER LANDLINE when Sex In The City was on.

Anyway.

This bug-eaten corpse had more than a hint of the tailors' dummy about it. It was white and plainly made of plastic and cotton for a start. Obviously the Effects Team couldn't coerce anyone to be covered in latex and goo and filmed with 783 flesh eating beetles.

After letting the "beetles clean up", Sid* and Sheldon decide to soak, boil and wash the remains in detergent to get the flesh off, and end up with a white plastic skeleton with red jelly stuck to it in places. No slimy residue, bits of tendons - just plastic and red stuff. (That's so you'll know it's flesh, I suppose.)


Then, last night on CSI:Miami, there were two stab/drown victims.
Alexx: "This poor baby girl's lost her fingers"

Oh, it's always a "poor baby" with Alexx. That's so you can tell she's an empathiser. That and the heavy eyeliner and woeful look she gets when she sees a body for the first time.

I digress. The stab / lake dumps. Last night's episode opens with Horatio at the court to hear the outcome of a trial (not guilty, due in part to a lack of evidence - i.e. a body) of a guy who patently is as guilty of murder as I am of choosing Philadelphia over Marmite**.
Meanwhile, an unsuspecting fisherman happens across a d.b. which turns out to be the "poor baby girl" sans a few flanges, which the accused is accused of making short work of.

Horatio gets a call.

BUT - OH NO! The verdict has just been read!

Tripp: "We got the body, but the verdict's in, Horatio."
Horatio: "The Verdict's in..."

(puts on shades in typical "cool-superhero-about-to-jet-off-to-avert-world-disaster" Horatio way)
"...but the Jury...the Jury's still out."
Pete Townsend: "....Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!....We don't get fooled again....etc."

Actually Horatio, no it's not. The Jury have just come in and presented the verdict. The not guilty verdict you've just been talking about. The verdict can't be in when the jury's out. You should know that.

Oh dear - this is turning in to a rant about Horatio Caine (for which there's plenty material, granted) when it's supposed to be a lively debate on the quality of the cadavers.

So. The plot does the usual twisting & turning, and another body is unearthed below a landfill site. This is as fresh as a daisy!

You'd reckon that after being stabbed, dumped in a lake with weights then squashed under tons of rubbish, you'd be a bit gooey. Nope, not in Miami.

The rubbish looked pretty clean, too.

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*who's shaping up to be a bit creepy. About last night's female rape / killing victim: "She's quite captivating, isn't she?" huuuuuuuuuuurgh
**That's quite bloomin' guilty, dear readers.


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Number of car park enquiries so far today: 2

But they were both the same person, and she was so irritated that I didn't have the heart to ask her to sign the "I have just annoyed someone" sheet.
Number of people who have signed the sheet: 4
This is very pants. People have been annoying us without signing the sheet

Number of delivery drivers looking for directions today: 3